From the beginning, 2013 was proving to be the most unfortunate year for me. I lost my mom to suicide, who was my best friend and my life. I was diagnosed with the last stage of cervical tuberculosis. I had to quit my job in Bangalore and come back to home, Patna. Going through the treatment, therapies, operations, is depended on medicines and injections seemed my life like hell. One after the other, these incidents broke me completely; physically and psychologically as well.
I felt as I was falling deeper, into a dark world. After losing my mom, I realized that how wrong I was that everything gets fine with the passing time after losing someone so important to your life. Nothing get normal, it just seems as we learn to live with the pain and woes, each moment. Until now, I have the guilt that we could have saved her. If she would have talked to me, indicated me something like this was running in her mind; I would have definitely saved her. However, I was in over confidence that she won’t take any such decision as she always says I am her life and reason to live. The people around her were so ignorant that they never took seriously the signs she would have given.
The pain inside was dragging me in the realm of murkiness. Unable to handle the thoughts that were going on the mind, I was so depressed that I was unable to see a reason to live. I was feeling twitching and restless. I knew that I need to talk to someone and share what I am feeling inside. As everyone in my family was in same grief, I decided not to let my inner melancholy world visible to others and started sharing my pain with the blank papers. I started conversing to those who were not close to my life and listen to their stories.
I wondered myself, ‘Am I alone in this cosmos, who is suffering from this pain?’ My inner spirit replied, ‘NO, you are not the solitary one!’.
Remembering this incident is like slaughtering myself each time. I realized pain and suffering never ends, we need to find the strength in our weakness. I began to read and know about the other people suffering and found much more are going through even the worst than my life. This gave me a motive in life, to understand other’s life and lessen their pain. There is nothing in life until we invent it, discover it within yourself.
After surviving to suicidal thoughts, I understood what all my mom had and many people like her plans for that final action. Moreover, at the same time I realized that even after ending the life, problems don't end. We simply convince our mind that people those who love us or whom we love will be fine after few days, weeks, months or years. But it does not. It worsens with the time. Trust me! Since then I gave up the thought of ending my life ever.
When we fail to solve problems, let us always seek advice from those who can really understand your problem and give you the necessary advice.
You may find that brainstorming with another person or even a group will help you find new ideas to help you move forward. When you know someone has your back, that emotional support can make all the difference.
It's okay to talk about our problems. Give your woes a voice, and let someone listen. That person might be your friend, family, relative, colleague or any stranger as helplines. You will be amazed at how much weight will be lifted off your shoulders and get a different perspective to solve the problems.